Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Back to Boston

Welp, Jason's 10 days of house hunting leave are up, and he headed back to work today--in Boston :o( His boat will be docked up in Boston until the end of October to get a 'facelift'. He will be able to come home on the weekends though, so that's better than nothing!

For now, I HAVE to work on getting over my 'going out in public by myself, WITH Paislee anxiety'. Now that she is getting older, she is getting a little easier to go out in public with, but I'm still nervous about those random meltdowns that she could have. She HATED the carseat when she was younger, and still doesn't LOVE it but its easier to take her out now because I can put her in the umbrella stroller or sit her on my hip now, rather than having to leave her in the carseat. I always worry that I will be in the grocery store or Walmart, with a full cart, and she will start screaming and I will have to run out and leave my I crazy?? Wait, before you answer, read what I have to say next...

I am also dealing with other Paislee issues, and I SERIOUSLY think I need some therapy! Maybe this is normal for all moms, please tell me if it is! I am constantly worried that something is going to happen to her. I have the WORST thoughts, and they are really starting to freak me out. For example: an older lady at church wanted to hold her the other day. I let her, but the whole time I was worried she was going to drop Paislee. I know that is not anything major, but here is another one: when we were getting settled in here at home, our coffee table was in pieces, leaning up against the wall, and Paislee was laying on the floor in front of it. I had to move her because I kept thinking that it would kill her if it fell on her, even though it was more than likely NOT going to fall. Lastly, she is STILL sleeping in our room, because I'm scared someone is going to break in and steal her if she is in another room. I am not so worried when Jason is home, but when I'm here by myself its all I think about. I can't even go to the bathroom for a minute in peace because I'm scared she will be gone when I come back. UGhhhhhh.....don't judge me! I need some other moms to give me advice though, and tell me if they went through anything like this, or do I seriously need some help?

That's all I have for today, just a few random, crazy thoughts!

Psycho Mom


  1. Hi!
    My friend forwarded me ur blog to read cause she thought I could help... I went through the EXACT thing with our sweet baby girl who is now 13months... Our daughter was born 6weeks early & I literally would not leave the house! I am a SAHM & for months I kept us prisoner inside our home. I had the same exact fears you do... That someone was going to take my baby or something terrible was going to happen to my family! I even couldn't sleep at night because I was afraid someone was going to break in & take her from her bassinet right next to me!
    It took me several months & talks with other moms to realize that I was suffering from a type of post partum depression. We usually only hear about the moms that want to hurt their babies when we hear about this on the news, but there are different forms of it.... I'm not saying you have it! I'm just sharing my experience with what you wrote about... I am really stubborn & HATE taking medication but when my anxiety over my fears started affecting my husband & sweet baby girl, I gave in & talked to my DR about it. I didn't want my new family to suffer due to my extreme fears.
    Don't get me wrong, I think ALL mothers are troubled with these exact fears. There's just different degrees of "new mommy anxiety" so I think you should consider talking to you OB/GYN. It's alot more common than people talk about.... My DR said since I was breastfeeding too that it made my hormones unbalanced. He gave me an estrogen patch (which in some cases that's all ppl need) and a very small dose of zoloft.
    I have to say, I've always been scared of those kind of meds, but after I quit being stubborn about it, I finally felt like the mother I was meant to be!...
    BTW, I still have a few fears but part of it is just being a mommy... And the part about being at the grocery w/ a cartfull of groceries & a screaming baby, trust me, we've all been there & it's gonna happen eventually. But a majority of people will understand because most of us are mothers too!
    I hope this helped... Even if just to make you feel like your not alone!
    Good luck!

  2. Hey girl! I think some of it is normal... I would always visualize me dropping Grace down the stairs. I think it's because of the LOVE we have for our babies, and now we're completely responsible another (perfect!) human. It's a tough job! :) I've always got an ear, message me :) xo